Things do not work out as we expect. When setting up a surprise or gift for someone, their reactions and reception of our energies will be in line with their experience and not ours. Others simply do not think as we do. We all experience different universes.
Over the holiday break I observed my daughter try to work a surprise for her brother and mom when they got back from a walk. It was simply to have some hot chocolate. She then added her flair for making our kitchen like a restaurant with a hostess. We worked on the hot chocolate. She set up the waitress station. When her brother and mother got home they quickly realized what we were making and said so. My daughter began to get frustrated and disappointed as the hot chocolate was no longer a surprise anymore. Her brother also wanted to be the hostess which took away from what she was trying to set up. What she had in her mind fell apart.
As we sat down, I mentioned how things simply do not go as we expect. Being able to set the conditions up for the surprise and letting things develop as they will is a better approach. She would have none of it. Her mood spiraled down. My wife and I pressed on any way. We stressed the importance of just letting things happen as they happen and letting go of our expectations. I added how the situations I’ve tried to set up for your mom don’t work our exactly as I expect as we are simply different people with different experiences and expectations. She and I think differently about things.
Seeing tears forming and how talking was going nowhere. We switched tact and began talking about how important it is to reconnect with yourself when things don’t go your way. We offered ideas for our daughter like playing her violin, doing martial arts, reading or going to listen to some music. We warned her continuing down the path of her darkening mood can lead to some places we couldn’t follow and how only she could lighten her state of mind again. With this we went our separate ways in the house and focused on things we do. I went to cook. Our son went to play Lego’s, my wife went to clean, and our daughter went to her room where we left her alone. When dinner was ready we had reconnected with ourselves by doing the things we love.
I learn from this how important it is to find, remind and reconnect with ourselves on a regular basis, especially when we find our mood or state of mind darkening or heading down a difficult way. It’s important not to forget to connect with yourself and what you love that doesn’t involve others. We also have to loosen our hold on what we expect to happen.