Whether you tell yourself you can or can’t, you are correct. So why tell yourself one way or another? When we tell ourselves we can’t do something, our brains see the ways that prevent us from doing it. When we tell ourselves we can, our brains see opportunities but when things don’t go as we expect it’s so easy to flip the switch the switch to “I can’t.” The problem is our expectations. Thinking along the terms of “I can” or “I can’t” simply exacerbates our expectations. We then oscillate between these poles of expectation.
I’ve been watching my son and daughter for years and learning a lot from them. Recently my daughter tackled the Rubik’s cube. She launched into it telling herself I can do this. I know this as she often thinks out loud. She got half way on her first few attempts which I find impressive. Then she stalled out. My wife and I encouraged her to look up solutions on the web as the puzzle is still fun even if you know how to solve it. She did. What she found frustrated her to tears and she began down the “I can’t” road to misery.
Comparing this with our son, he just goes out and does things. I don’t think I’ve heard him say “I can’t” or “I can.” He does something and then states, “Good idea me.” When we talk to other parents and grand parents, many say it’s a boy thing. While there are differences between boys and girls, I disagree. I think it’s a people thing. We are all unique and have a mixture of attributes. Our culture teaches more about how we “should” behave than our inherent behavioral traits.
Reflecting on this from the biz of you perspective, I think it’s important to understand our expectations and what’s expected of us in our daily situations. Knowing what’s expected is the first of the guiding principles of managing the biz of you. It’s important to recognize the gap between the expectations and reality. You can adjust your expectations to meet reality and avoid over stressing yourself. You can let the moment unfold before you and not get lost in the self-limiting thoughts bouncing between the extremes of our positive and negative expectations. Instead of saying “I can” or “I can’t” simply adjust, do what’s needed and say “Good Idea Me.”
I apologize for any typos, punctuation or grammar errors.
Feel free to comment and let me know of my errors so I may correct them and better my biz.